Re-Twinkies

The Sky is Falling.

The End is Near.

It’s the Apocalypse, and it’s not even December yet.

How could the Mayans have been so wrong?

Today, Hostess Brands asked the U.S. Bankruptcy Court to allow it to liquidate everything and sell its iconic brands.

Yes, Twinkies Lovers, that means you are likely to feel the disaster first and foremost, and there’s no telling how long it will last. It may last forever.

I have written about the Twinkies Famine of 2000 and the Great Twinkies Depression of 1987, both of which were reported upon by the venerable New York Times. Twinkies addicts clamored for their fix, Ebay made out like a bandit, and, eventually, things returned to normal.

But this time? This time it’s going to be worse. Much worse.

When “normal” returns, it may not be the same “normal” we know and love. Like Bill O’Reilly lamenting the loss of the normal United States populated by Ward, June, Wally and the Beave, the new normal may be damn near unrecognizable.

!!!!

Fine, so I had to insert a tiny smidgeon of political commentary. Nevertheless, dammit, Hostess is depriving Traditional America of Twinkies on a timetable that resembles greased lightning.

There is no time to waste.

Stop reading this blog immediately and get thee to thy local Twinkies Distribution Point post haste. It is expected that on Monday – just three days hence – the bankruptcy court will let Hostess shut down operations.

Hostess would have to shut operations anyway, because its bakers threatened a strike. When it filed for permission to liquidate, Hostess said that it no longer had the resources to weather a prolonged strike, which apparently they expect this to be. This means that over 18,000 Hostess employees will be out of work in an already challenging job market.

Curse you, striking bakers! Why couldn’t you wait? It’s all about you, isn’t it?

Stockpile all the Twinkies you can – and fast. Even if Hostess sells the brand and the recipe to another company, there will be a gap in production.

This is travesty.

Last Updated on November 16, 2012 by